Day Two. December 3, 2013.
I know that I should sit here and explain my day. I know that I should tell you all about the heart breaking things I have seen. I could go on and on about the babies in the orphanages, the little girl burned so badly she only has one digit on one hand but as I sit here and think about what I want to share, it isn't the heartbreak. It isn't the dirt, the pain, and the things that they DON'T have. I need to tell you about the one thing they have the most. Peace.
Peace comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed and to those who still love even though they've been hurt.
I sat today on a playground in an orphanage, I held a baby wearing a cloth held on by masking tape, and I played soccer with a boy whose pants wouldn't stay up due to lost buttons and broken zippers. It was so amazing!! Does it sound amazing? I am guessing not, but in the midst of all of it was such a peace. I cried at first, I can't pretend that I didn't, but it wasn't tears of sadness, it wasn't tears of pain or want for things they can't have, but tears of ...can I say it...jealousy? How do they live in such conditions, in such places, yet still have so much peace? The little girl I mentioned earlier, did I mention all the high fives she gave?! Over and over, she brought joy and smiles to every single person that laid eyes on her. You didn't see the scarred scalp, the mangled arm, and the lost fingers you just saw this light, and when people gave her that high five, it was as if she passed it on to them through the palm of her hand. She was magic, truly.
As I sat in the midst of it, you can't help but start to introspect and I begin to do just that. Funny how you think of missionaries as so selfless, but if I have learned nothing from doing these trips it is that if you want to learn about yourself, and I mean really learn what you are made of then this is the premise to do it. I have spent this past year, mourning lost relationships, building different ones, struggling to be a good Mom, learning how to be a great wife and right here in the middle of Haiti it all hits me. I begin to cry, I am sad for what I have lost, I do want to be the best Mom/wife/friend, I want to be Wonder Woman. Isn't that the American way? Isn't that what we all strive for? Well, tonight I met Wonder Woman, in person and she didn't look anything like me. She sat in a crib and held her arms up asking to be held. She was scarred and beautiful, she didn't float in an invisible plane but she floated from arms to arms as if she had wings of her own. She gave off a light of such magnificent beauty, and opened your heart in such a way, you could have imagined she had a golden rope of truth. This was Wonder Woman, this is what I truly want to be. This is what I want to work hard to become.
God works in such mysterious ways, and I am sure his intent was not in a cartoon character, but He did teach me something today. He showed me what Peace is, what Peace does, and how Peace can transform your life. Peace is a super power, and it is hard to attain. You have to truly, truly believe that God will do for you what He wants done. You have to believe that what you want is not important, you have to trust that in the end you will be in a good place. These things are not easy. But this much I know is true, if she can do it, then I can do it.
Psalm 86:3-5 - "Have mercy on me, Lord, for I call to you all day long. Bring joy to your servant , Lord, for I put my trust in you. You are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you."
A work in progress,